Waking Up On The Other Side Of A Dream

I entered the OUIDAD If these Curls Could Talk Contest

2009-06-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.brickfish.com/pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?qsi=13722606

Here is the url. Please go and vote for me often until July 14th. I am trying to win a trip to NY to get a personal styling by the world famous OUIDAD who specializes in curly hair. Anyone that has seen my hair recently knows that I really need this trip. Please pass it on to your friends so that they can vote, too!

Thanks!

whooppeeee

2009-03-06T08:40:00.000-08:00

No, unfortunately not "making whooppee" but whooppee nonetheless.

Dogwalking 65 days straight (~ 9 weeks)
WiiFit 53 days straight (~ 7 weeks)
Pounds lost 11

It has been HARD work. Between the WiiFit and Dogwalking, it is 1 1/2 hours per day on weekdays and, with the personal trainer and yoga on the weekends, it goes up to 2 1/2 - 3 hours/day.

This is added to packing my lunch each day and cooking my dinners. Some days, I do have lunch or dinner with friends and those days are challenging (though extremely fun). I think that they may actually help as they provide variation in calorie count and food variety that keeps my body on its toes.

This is the hardest I have ever worked to lose 11 pounds and I am wondering why. Is it the long commute and the stress of the long work days? Or something else? At any rate, it is still 11 pounds in the right direction. Whooppee!

It works out to a little more than 1 lb/week so I figure if I keep it up for a year, I could lose 52 lbs! which is sure a lot better than putting on 52 lbs. And, believe me, I would not be too thin if I lost another 41 lbs. In fact, I would probably look quite right - not that I have seen that weight in at least 12 years but it would be nice to see it again (if just for a reason to clean out my closet and shop for new clothes).

The dog walking is working out and the dogs and I do love it. Thomas is finally figuring out heel although I have had to compromise and let him do it at half a step ahead. He doesn't pull and walks quite nicely, sniffing profusely every now and then. It has really helped us to pick up our pace in the morning. This morning, the regular 1/2 hour circuit took only 27 minutes (for 1.5 miles).

WiiFit is also fun. I started to get a little bored as I had completed over 20 hours and opened most of the additional poses and exercises so started to mix it up a bit. Do one of the aerobic exercises and then go over and do a strength exercise and its paired yoga exercise. I find that this mixing it up actually helps more since it blends the stretching and the strength with the aerobics to get more benefit from the workout. At the end, I do the balance exercises. This new approach has now lengthened the workout to 1 1/2 hours and I am enjoying the challenges of "beating my own times and levels".

Aerobics
Basic Step - I haven't perfected it yet but have managed to continue to raise my score and now have a much higher level of "perfect" as opposed to "ok" steps.
Basic Hula Hoop - I can consistently get them to throw me all 5 Hula Hoops and am still beating my own times.
Island Run - A 10 minute "run" (actually jogging in place) around the Island. I am working at about 116% of efficiency and do get quite warm and sweaty. It is fun to watch the other runners and pretty funny when they trip and fall.
Advanced Step - I am also getting pretty good at that one. Finally made it through a set without missing any steps and "perfect" steps far outpace "ok" steps. This also works up a sweat.
Boxing - Haven't done enough of it to know how to advance myself.

Strength
Pushups, Leg Raisers, AbVees, Arm Raisers - Lots of good stuff here. Maximum points on all are 100 and I have achieved that on a few while coming close on others. As you get better, more reps are opened up and I am now reaching those levels. Also opened the Ab Crunch challenge where you challenge the trainer to see who can do more. (It is a killer).

Yoga
I had an advantage here and started at a high level on most positions. Still, I keep bettering myself and some of them are darn hard.

Balance
Love the Soccer balls although I hate getting hit by the shoes and the stuffed panda bear head. i am really lousy at this one. "Unbalanced" is the word used by WiiFit. I keep getting better although not good enough for the game.

Ski Slalom - Another fun one. I have reached Pro at the Beginner level and haven't dared to go higher yet. Still working to beat myself.

Marble balance - Tilt and twist to get the marbles in the holes at every level. I love this one so much and got so good at the beginner level that I have moved to the advanced level and trying to master that one.

Penguin tilt - Another fun one. Apparently, my penguin gets enough fish to eat although I have only advanced from "Unbalanced" to "Amateur" level (2 more to go).

Tightrope - Can get across and learned to jump over the chomping jaws but really haven't spent too much time on this one.

Bubble walk - A real frustration. Took forever for me to master it enough to make it all the way down the river once. I haven't spent much more time on it but will get back to it as I master the others.

Snowboard - Oh boy! The forward and backward leaning balance on this one is just beyond me. I am always going the wrong way and running into walls. This one is going to take some time.

So that is the summary. I do the Body Test every day and check my WiiFit age. It is usually between 30 and 40. The lowest I have ever gotten is 25 (not bad for a 50 year old) and the highest is 57 (really bad day). I am extra challenged because a lot of the test has to do with balance and stability and, since I don't have a lot of feeling in my toes (due to Chemo), it is hard to maintain a stable balance. You don't realize just how much your toes have to do with your overall balance and standing.

I am grateful every day for continued motivation (and fun) and hope that I can come back to this blog with more successful weight loss stories.

Another day

2009-02-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

So, my day yesterday was going just fine and I was so happy to get home before 7PM so that I could do my WiiFit and have my dinner before sitting down to Survivor.

Not to be. My wonderful day came to a jarring stop when I walked in the door of the house. Thomas had been in trouble again. I knew it right away because he was outside and wouldn't come in. My crossword puzzle book (100 NY Times Crossword puzzles back to their origination in the 20's - or something like that. I was on #82) was torn up on the floor. He had even managed to chew and pull out the wire rap binding about halfway up the spine. Of course, he had to spend more time mangling the puzzles I hadn't actually done yet.

As I looked around, I realized that he had spent another part of his day busily chewing on my walls - which I have repaired umpteen times in the 9 years that he has lived with me. I have never had a dog that chewed walls and am at my wits end as to what to do with him. My house looks like a slum and I can't keep anything nice. I am so tired of repairing and painting them. Have tried tin foil, hot pepper, dog off, windex, shock treatment (works but don't have enough units and can't isolate enough to the specific areas of the chewing) and just yelling. The yelling scares him and hence the reason he is outside. He obviously knows he has done something wrong so why do it? He never does anything like this when I am around. Only when I am gone. Not every day either. I have yet to know what sets him off.

So, instead of the lovely evening I had planned, I was taping my book back together and repairing the walls. I put their food in their bowls and made them sit there just looking at it while I completed this whole process which took over one hour (The walls aren't painted - just the spackling - still have to sand, re-spackle, smooth, texturize, paint, faux finish - a very long process). They sat there the whole time just looking at their food. Poor Smokey, he had to go along too because it is difficult to separate that command for them.

After the work, I still had WiiFit (Don't want to mess up my schedule now - 7 lbs down) and finally sat down with my dinner and Survivor at 9:15 PM. Which of course made my whole evening later and I got to bed late so this morning I am not as "perky" (only 4 1/2 hours sleep).

I am hoping for a better house when I come home tonight.

Happy Thursday

2009-02-19T13:54:00.000-08:00

So I was just sitting here and realized that.... "I'm Happy!". Now, it is not that I am never happy. In fact, I spend most of my days traveling through in some kind of happy stupor. Even with the economy and the rain and the traffic and the commute, somehow that happy seed pops out and grows me a happy tree.

But, anyway, today, somehow, I am inordinately happy. Don't ask me why. Hmmmmm.......... After 51 days, Thomas is finally starting to act like, he not only knows how to, but that he might actually want to heal in the proper place at my side. He still wanders but then comes on back. A vast improvement. And did I mention it has now been 51 days! Yes, 51 straight mornings - through rain, wind, deluges and floods, even stalkers, we have kept up our 1/2 hour walks (1.5+ miles). The dogs are looking better for it. Thomas has trimmed up and actually has rippling muscles. His fur looks so much better and is very soft. His ears are now standing up almost like when he was a puppy - and I thought he had outgrown that. Smokey Bear also looks better although it is harder to tell. He has always been thin but actually now looks a little more beefed up from a muscular standpoint - somewhat like the body builder compared to the 90 lb weakling on the beach getting sand kicked in his face (Smokey would be the body builder).

As for me, my body is not all streamlined with rippling muscles but it may be that I am just to close to it and too critical. Too date (after 51 days) I have lost only 6 lbs - a far cry from the 32 more I need to lose but, hey, it is at least in the right direction. Why is it so easy to put on and so darn difficult to take off?? I think that my body must have trimmed up a bit, too since I am fitting into my clothes a bit better than I normally would at this weight.

Weekends have been the hardest. I have this mentality of wanting to sleep in after a long week but need to get up early on Sat so that I can walk the boys before heading off to my volunteer job at the animal shelter at 9 AM. On Sundays, I get up even earlier to walk them before heading off to yoga at 8 AM. After getting up and going, I am happy I did. Just have to get my mind out of the sleep in mentality. After all, I can always come home and take a nap afterword. And then there is the weekend challenge of everyone else in the neighborhood walking their dogs. I am hoping with Thomas getting better at heeling that he will also settle more around other dogs.

And then, I can just be happy because it is Thursday and I only have one more day of work this week. And.... work has been very busy so the days have been passing much more quickly which is a whole lot better than sitting here twiddling my thumbs for 8 hours.

And.... it is sunny outside...something that I always like.

And.....my energy level is good....

And.....

And.....
And....

Ugghhhh.....again ....seem to like that word for grief

2009-02-13T11:53:00.000-08:00

So here I am at work in a place I don't choose to be that is far, far from home (every day), having to deal with the unrest of my dogs because I am gone so long and then not being fully utilized although I have to sit here 8 hours/day to get paid, not being challenged by the work, brain turning to mush and, on top of it all.........

I have to work with a guy with HUGE, did I say HUGE ego problems who can't even have a discussion unless he is right. If I dare to disagree or suggest he could look at it differently, his response is to first insult me and then to say whatever and walk away or ignore me. The worst part is that he could learn something because usually what I am saying comes up later with the Director and it turns out that what I said was worthwhile after all. I try to ignore it and move on but it is just adding insult to the injury of me having to be here because I need a paycheck and the economy is so bad.........

ugghhhhhh.....

Back to smiling, breathing deeply and just letting this idiot wallow in his ignorance. I don't have anything to prove to him and really don't care if he agrees with me or not. Just don't insult and ignore me. That is immature and inhuman.

Have to be nice. I need this job. I need the paycheck. Please economy get better so that I can change to a client closer to home that actually challenges my intellect and makes the day interesting, I can resume my life, my painting, my friendships and the dogs can stop tearing up the house because they are alone so many hours of the day.........

Soooooo........ccccccoooooollllllldddddd

2009-02-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Ok. This office is so cold. My fake nipple is standing up - no, really. It is. Don't ask me how but I looked in the bathroom mirror and there were two - one on each side.

Now, my house is 59 - 61 degrees and that is cold. I am wrapped up head to toe with blankets and a space heater to stay warm. And, I swear this office is colder than that. I am getting hypothermia. Come on people, we are not doing aerobics in here. We are sitting all day at a computer typing numbers into spreadsheets. A little heat please. My fingers are cold. My nose is cold. I am getting brain freeze. Have to go outside in the 51 degree weather just to warm up. TURN ON THE HEAT!!! Can I sue for hypothermia?

And why do I blog? Because I am sitting here cold and bored. Yet one more day with nothing to do but fill out the time. I am happy for the paycheck but wondering why the heck this client is willing to pay the money and waste my talents. ugh! Life is much better and time passes quicker when you are busy.

On another note. Have now reached 41 DAYS! of morning walks with the dogs. That is amazing. I don't think that I have ever done anything in my life for 41 days straight except maybe watch tv, eat and sleep. How pathetic is that! Thank you to my dogs. I am on a roll here. It is tough on the weekends when I would rather just snuggle in and sleep but I want to see how far I can take this thing and, of course, the dogs are loving it! They seem so much younger, livelier, clear-eyed, softer furred, etc., etc. They are looking so fit and I actually had to start feeding them a bit more. Wish it were doing the same for me but then I had so much further to go than they did. 5 lbs is a big deal on them.

Wish I had even lost 5 lbs but this stubborn weight is just staying on. I even gained back the losses of 2 weeks ago. One weekend and 4 weeks of hard work down the drain. What a bummer. Why is it like that? I have been so persistent with the exercise and good eating and nothing happens but one weekend of overindulgence and 4 - 5 lbs can go on just like that (snaps fingers). Must be the cold. My body is trying to hang on to whatever padding it can to insulate against the cold. Good excuse though, wasn't it? Seriously, don't know what is happening. I had that great 6+ lb weight loss in 4 days and didn't do anything different. Yes, I journaled and checked and now for 2 weeks - nothing, nada, nix. This is weird because usually when I pack my lunch every day, cook my dinner and work out, the weight comes off.

Just have to keep plugging away...and stop talking about it now because it is beginning to depress me.

Back to the 41 days! Yeah! Almost 50 - 1/2 century. That is my first goal and then onward to 100 and more. I must say that I really do feel good after the walks and it has been nice to see the sunrise on the weekends. I have more energy, too and manage to get in a cleaning of a drawer or two, load the dishwasher, pull a few weeds or various other "little" chores right after before winding down into something more relaxing.

Sure got me through the 2 1/2 hour yoga and dance class Saturday night. 1/2 hour straight of wild, all out, arms flailing, legs and feet moving, head swinging, hip swaying dancing. Pictures a 60's revival with everyone wiped out on some psychedelic and moving wildly and erratically around the room and that is what we looked like. Everyone was hot and sweating but still we kept going. Mix that in with some serious yoga and the next day I was pretty sore and stiff. Still managed to get out of bed for the 1/2 hour 1.5+ mile walk with the dogs the next morning.

Guess I have run out of topics. Just get me through the next hour and a half please without freezing to death and then safely home and I promise to turn on Wii fit and do a workout this evening.

Cheers!

Worried

2009-02-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

37 days of morning walks now. Thomas obviously knows what heel means but somehow doesn't get the idea that he must do it without constant reminders. I know that I walk slow for him but Smokey manages to pace me. For some reason this week, I have started to get a callous on my middle finger. Why now? I don't know. Anyway, my hands were so weak this morning, it was difficult to grasp the leash. Not a good morning for a challenge. But yet, on the last block home, there was a dog - just a nice, old dog - not challenging at all but Thomas started to lunge and twist. He has been much better on the weekends but this seemed to go back to his old ways. What am I doing wrong? He is so good otherwise.

Anyway, I got frustrated and angry - something else I haven't done in some time. Is it the hormones from that time of month? I lost my cool and in so doing, the grip on the leash and his choke. He got under my feet and I fell smack on him! Now, I weigh 3X as much as he does so that couldn't have felt good. He collapsed under my weight but when I rolled off, he was lunging just as strong as ever while I sat in a greasy puddle in the gutter and held on. Thank goodness that Smokey who I wasn't even holding onto anymore just stood there waiting for it all to pass. Thank you Smokey!

The woman with the dog stopped to ask if I was okay. I told her that I was, just wanting her to move on and away with her dog so that Thomas would settle down. I don't know what started this all with him. He was not always this way and certainly is not in the Vet's office where he is in very close proximity with other dogs. He wants to play, I know but needs to mind and follow. His behaviour is not acceptable for walking. He has been doing so well and making good progress. Today was a little slip and so close to home. I was disappointed with myself because my hands wouldn't work to hold the leash and keep him moving forward in a heel. I think that made me more angry than his behaviour. I was frustrated with myself.

Anyway, now I am just worried. My little guy is at home and may be starting to feel the after effects of me landing on him now that his adrenaline has come down a bit. I certainly am sore. Hoping that I didn't hurt him. He has already had a slipped/crushed disc that was causing "seizures" and he almost drowned in his little pool. He seems to have recovered over the last year and a half or so (after about 3 years of seizures) and I would not like to cause that problem again. His eyes were a bit bloodshot when I left home - causing me additional worry on his condition - since we have started the morning walks, his eyes have been clear and the whites have been white.

I just had to get that off of my chest so that I can relax and let it go while I sit here at work twiddling my thumbs and waiting for an assignment so the day will pass quicker and I can get home to my boys.

Breathe deeply.........deeper........deeeper.....now smile!

One month

2009-01-30T08:18:00.000-08:00

It is Friday! yeah! And I have not only completed another week of this grueling commute but have actually completed another month - 4 weeks! Thank you, thank you to Smokey and Thomas for getting me through this. The morning walks have certainly helped out. 31 days now!

And another .7 lbs this morning. 6.5 lbs total now. The challenge is this weekend with Tarragon and the Crab Fest tomorrow and the Superbowl on Sunday. I will do my best not to completely retrace this week's gains.

On a sad note, I am mourning the loss of our trees on San Antonio. The trees, including a number of heritage pines provided a beautiful green tunnel that made me feel like I was coming home along a country lane. All of them have been razed to the ground and now the street looks like an urban, concrete thoroughfare. Not pleasant or beautiful to drive down. The city can say whatever it wants about safety, etc. but I think the real reason that they did it was economic so they don't have to keep trimming the roots back to keep the road smooth. This is a very sad loss. We need more greenery and not less. What were they thinking?

Is it real or is it Memorex?

2009-01-29T09:12:00.000-08:00

Wow! 5.8 lbs! I lost 5.8 lbs in 3 days! And that after struggling for a month now - eating right and working out daily. I fought hard not to lose hope and now - 5.8 lbs in 3 days! WooHoo! Guess I will keep doing what I have been doing.

I crossed under a marker that I had been struggling with since coming back from LA at Christmas. That made me very happy but I am still about 15 lbs off of what I was at my party last summer and 33 lbs off from March 2007 when I went back to work and started this uphill spiral. First things first - 10 lbs more to get off the Oakland commute weight. That is my first goal.

The clothes are still tight because they were bought at my pre-Oakland weight but at least I don't look like a stuffed sausage in them anymore. They are starting to look regular and business-like again. Thank goodness for that.

On another topic, today was day 30 of walking the dogs - Wow! I am so proud of myself and the dogs are so happy. The last two days, Thomas has acted out a little while I am gone - ate the phone book, pulled the rug from under the coffee table - (after 28 straight days of perfectness). I am not sure if it is because I have been going in an hour later and therefore coming home an hour later every day this week or that the walks just aren't enough for him anymore or if it was just a quirk of these two days. So, I made a few changes. Starting yesterday, I have been putting Thomas' pack with the water bottles on him and letting him "work" during his walks. This has worked out well and he is doing much better on his "heel" but he does have a bad habit of running into my leg with his pack resulting in bruises along my right calf and knee. I think he is getting more used to it and hopefully, we should find a happy style for both of us soon. The second thing was I went back to getting up at 4:30 - 45 and leaving earlier so that I can get home closer to sunset. Hopefully, between the two, he will be calm and satisfied again.

Smokey is fine as usual though he gave me a good scare this morning. He went to jump up on the bed and seems his back legs are giving him as much power as they used to. He fell off awkwardly, twisting his back legs in the process and landing on them at a bad angle. I was scared he may have broken something but he got up and, after some coaxing, jumped up on the bed - successfully this time.

As for me, headache, sorethroat and backache today. The walk didn't fix it like it usually does. Not sure what is happening but do hope that it passes soon. I want another good day like yesterday!

5.8 lbs!

Its a good day

2009-01-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

This morning was the first day since "slammed" that I have woken up really feeling well, energetic and as if my fatigue had passed so I guess this was a 14 day (2 week) episode. The worst day was the first or maybe I just get used to it. It isn't until mornings like this that I realize how I should really feel and that the last 2 weeks have been only half speed or so. I continued my normal life and even had a "super workout" day on Saturday - 1/2 hours walking my boys in the morning, 1 1/2 hours walking and working with the shelter pups, 1 hour with the trainer getting pushed on stair steps, ball walking, jump rope and the like and another 1 1/2 hours Anusara yoga - 4 1/2 hours. What it would be like to be a movie star and have time to do that every day. I, too, would have a super buff body.

Anyway, it felt excellent to wake up feeling good. And, I have not slept as much this week for one reason or another. Went to bed about 11PM last night and got up at 5AM this morning. Maybe 6 hours is good for me.

I am now up to 29 days straight with the dogs. Benefits:

Thomas has lost his fat lump that was developing on his side.
Thomas has lost the moldy groin he had from being such a crate potato all day.
Both dogs have softer, thicker, shinier fur.
Both dogs are more relaxed and calm during the day. Yesterday was the first day that I came home and Thomas had created a little mischief. It could be that I was leaving earlier and getting home earlier last week and he doesn't like my new later hours, or he could be getting used to the walks and needs more, or it could have just been the day. At any rate, I put his backpack on him today to give him a "job". He heeled much better although he was still full of energy and hopefully, he got a little more tired out.
My house is in better condition due to the calmness of the dogs.
I am more awake in the morning when going to work.
A couple of days I woke up with headaches and sore throats and thought about not going to work. After walking the dogs, I felt much better and was able to face the day.
I am getting stronger and it is showing with my yoga and gym (trainer) workouts.
I have finally lost 1 lb and hope that will be the start of 39 more. (at least 10 to begin).

This week is a busier one at work and I actually have something to do. The day passes more quickly and I don't get as tired as trying to fill 8 empty hours. This should continue for the next week. Sure makes it easier to get up and go to work in the morning. I like to be busy and give the client good service. Makes it tough when they just have you on hold, waiting around. If I could go home and get paid, that would be good. But must sit here in my chair at the office - not just 8 hours but an extra 1/2 just so that I take the lunch legally prescribed by law although I would much rather work through my lunch hour and be able to go home earlier rather than wasting another 1/2 hour.

That is about it for now. Hoping for more good days. Iknow that this must be really boring but it helps to journal the leftovers from C treatment so that I have a comparison to see that things really are getting better and also to know about why other things are happening to my body, brain, etc. since those effects also take place when I am having one of my "fatigue" episodes. For example, I wrote some things for a case and when I looked later, couldn't even remember writing them and they were wrong. I had to correct them. What's more, it didn't even seem like my writing or style. I wouldn't have sworn that someone else had written them but there they were in my own handwriting. Whew! How scary.

Its a good day! have a great one yourself.

Ughhhh....

2009-01-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

Yes. I am super grateful for the salary this current engagement brings in and I do hesitate to complain......

But...ohhhhh...I must have an outlet here. I am BORED. There are few things more difficult than trying to fill out an 8 hour day when there is not enough work to do. And, the work that is there is BORING. Writing Policy and Process documents is just not my thing. Yawn! Can't keep my eyes open....

The walking in the mornings is going well. 20 days now....1.5 miles/morning. Jogging briefly now. The dogs continue to do well. Thomas' eyes are much clearer. His coat is softer and fuller and his moldy belly is cleared up. His fat lump in his side has shrunk and is almost unnoticeable now. Both of them are happy and content and my house is, too. As for me, the walks are nice, not always relaxing (depending on the quirkyness of the dogs that day) and I haven't lost even one pound. And that includes the 1/2 hour I walk at lunch time, packing my lunch, cooking my own dinner (all within WW standards), Curves workout 3X/week, 1 hour with Personal Trainer on Sat and 1 1/2 hour yoga on Sundays. Needless to say, it is frustrating. By the end of last week, I was on edge, even during the walks. Couldn't figure out why. Nothing seemed to be stressing me (imagine that). When I came back to work this Monday, the answer was there for me. After a relaxing weekend, I was once again on edge.

The commute is killing, the work is boring and there isn't enough of it and, last week, the manager had the nerve to question my integrity about whether I was really putting in 8 hours/day. Yes. I am and working much more quickly and efficiently than the other staff. If he wanted to, he could give me much more to do. I would be happy. It would be a lot better than twiddling my thumbs for 8 hours.

But, again........I AM GRATEFUL for the paycheck. Just needed a sec to vent.

And, BTW, the post-C event lasted just over 36 hours and then I was okay again. I dragged myself through what I needed to do and got the dogs out on their walk. Everything has resided to a more or less normal state right now, except for the weight which may be related to post-C, job boredom and stress or who the heck knows what. Just hope that passes soon, too.

Peace to all today!

slammed!?!

2009-01-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

Just when you think that things are going good.........

I was feeling good, the exercise starting to sink in and the muscle ache less. More energy, more life......and then.....

The ugly post-C monster reared its head. In the time it takes a heart to beat once, the fatigue hit. Completely unexpected and from nowhere. One second, I was sitting wide awake and working and the next, my head went down, my eyes went closed. My whole body just sagged with the fatigue. I felt like I had suddenly developed narcolepsy. But wait, I was still at work but fortunately, near the end of my day. It was only 3:45. I struggled through until the 4:10 ending time. The shooting pains had begun in my head and I started to slur my words. It felt like a mini-stroke but I had been through this before.

I dragged myself to the train station. Once on the train, I attempted to work a crossword puzzle and then read a book but my eyes just wouldn't stay open. The shooting pains continued and I almost could not see out of my right eye at all. The nausea set in. Don't let me throw up, I pleaded with the cosmos. Just let me get to my car.

Finally, we reached the station and I dragged myself to the car. My breathing had become very labored by this point and my heart was beating very sluggishly. Once in the car, I knew I could make it home and prayed the traffic would not be too bad. It wasn't and I was safely in the house at 6:00. No workout for me this evening. Just try to get some food - preferably, high iron, red meat into me and get the dogs fed.

By 7:00, I was laying on the couch in front of the TV. The last I remember, the clock read 8:59 before I woke up at 11PM. I dragged myself in to bed and slept through until 4AM. Just a little longer, I thought as I snuggled into the warmth of the dogs. I knew I had to be up at 5 to walk them and get ready for work since I had to leave early for a meeting today. I still felt tired but the fatigue, shooting pains had subsided enough for me to walk them. My heart was still sluggish and I still felt like I needed to sleep another 24 hours but I was up enough to make it to work. The time seemed to rush by as I showered and ate so I knew that I was moving very slowly.

I am at work now and the right eye is still a little droopy. I am not the bundle of energy that I have been but I am hoping the worst has passed. I never know. Sometimes it drags on for weeks and other times, it is just a couple of days.

Fortunately, these incidences are becoming fewer and farther between as I get farther into my survivorship. They haven't gone away though and insist on coming back now and then just to remind me that those 3 years really did happen and my body has a long road to come back to "normal".

lalala

2009-01-13T09:24:00.001-08:00

and la

what's up

2009-01-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

So, first of all, I would like to know why my last post is in my "Edit Posts" file but does not appear on my blog. It was posted on Jan. 9th.

Next, on to the purpose of this blog.

Just talking to myself, as usual and quite proud of the fact that now I have walked the dogs for 14 days straight/ 1/2 hour each day. 5AM on workdays and about 7:30AM on weekends. The dogs are just reveling in it. They have been walked all of their lives but not too regularly (except for Smokey the first two years of his life). What prompted this now? Well, last Oct I was sent on an assignment 2 hours from home (4hrs commute/day). This threw my whole schedule out of whack. No more painting. No more walking the dogs. No more exercise. No more lunches with friends. Just work, commute, sleep - maybe a little TV.

The net result of that was as 10lb weight gain, unhappy dogs eating up my house and a very achy body from lack of exercise. I so looked forward to Christmas/New Year's when I would have 3 weeks off and be able to catch up a bit on the exercise.

As it turned out, I was on vacation in LA/LV for 2 weeks and the dogs went off to camp. My friends, being of like mind, were very helpful in getting me out on walks, to the gym, etc. That was a good start. I got back home Christmas Day and the doggies came home 3 days later, all tired out from camp and settled. That seemed like a good time for me to start them on their new morning routine (and me, too). It was cold in the morning - about 32 degrees.

Where did I draw my inspiration from? My friend Lorraine and her dog Sydney. Lorraine lived in Aspen where it is very cold, snowy and icy in the winter time. In spite of that, she got a dog, knowing full well that she would need to take her out a few times each day which meant bundling up and going out into the cold. I figured if Lorraine could do that, then certainly I could walk mine once daily under somewhat less adverse conditions. Now, whenever I don't feel like rising in the morning, I just picture the snow and ice and it gets me going. The dogs have been much more content (which was to be expected - dogs should walk) and I also am reveling in the early morning peace and quiet and am so much more awake and have more energy when I am off to work.

The dog walking was only the beginning. I had to start back on Jan 5th with the same client, meaning the same 2 hr each way commute. However, I was determined not to have the achy body and unhappy dogs. I continue to get up at 5AM each morning to walk them for 1/2 hour and then get ready and head off to work. Because of the walking, I have a bit more energy when I get home and also get home a little earlier so can make it to Curves most days. That gives me 1 hour/day. On the weekends, as luck would have it, our coach for Dragon Boat, who is a personal trainer has donated her time every Saturday for a personal training session (1 hr + cool down) and then I have the 2 hours of walking the dogs at the shelter. Sunday brings 1 1/2 hours of yoga. Needless to say, my body has been very achy - diaphragm, glutes, quads, arms - as it trys to bring itself back to health.

I think that I crossed a threshhold this morning as I am not totally and completely achy, just slightly. The really good thing is that, even with the aches and pains, I have felt very loose and not stiff for the last week or so, despite the long hours in the car, at work and on the train, so the exercise is defintely helping.

Have not lost more than 2 lbs yet but I am sure that is coming. Really want to get the 10lbs off and then start working on the 20 I put on at the last assignment. That should about bring me down to my post-C, pre-return to work weight and I should be in good shape to boot.

All of this sounds good now but it is just one day at a time. The motivation and inspiration that started it all was the dogs of course (along with thoughts of Sydney and Lorraine) and hopefully they will be what keeps me going.

Oh and I got a Wii and WiiFit. It is totally fun even though I haven't been able to use it much yet. Just hooked it up on Sunday but was thrilled to find that my Wii age is 32years old. WooHooo! Thanks to yoga since much of the determination is made on balance and agility.

More Cancer follow-up for anyone watching Breast Cancer

2009-01-05T12:59:00.000-08:00

Wow!

3 months in a row now. Dec. 3 and then Jan. 3. And very normal, regular periods. And, yes, I am still obese. Working on that for the New Year. And for those ladies who aren't 20, neither am I. I am 50 years old, was not menopausal when diagnosed with Cancer at 46 and only lost my period due to chemo. Now, 3 years after starting chemo, it appears that I am back. Just hope this means good news for my bones and brain! :)

The end of 2008 was tough with a 4+hr/day commute to Oakland each day. No time or energy for exercise, painting, dogs, family, friends. Except for the paycheck (for which I am EXTREMELY grateful), the rest was miserable.

I started back again today and will continue for another 5 - 6 weeks. The 3 week break was good and I feel more rested and determined. Am trying to get the dogs out for a 1/2 hour walk every morning. They need it and I need it. It means getting up earlier on an already early day but don't think I can go another 6 weeks without exercise on the weekdays. And neither can they. I am also hoping that this along with packing my lunches will help to resolve the obesity issue (and more). I haven't been this heavy in more than 6 years and don't want to use work as an excuse anymore (even though the long commute is a pretty darn good one.)

Well that is enough of the blog for today!

ohhhhh booooyyyyyyyy

2008-07-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

Well, the crunch is on......tooo many projects going on at work with a July deadline, party with a July deadline. Exercise and painting are hurting. Exercised yesterday and trying desperately to get back on schedule. Ate too much, too and gained - ugh!

Better go before I get too stressed thinking of it all..

Happy 4th and decluttering

2008-07-04T19:14:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July. I hope that it is safe and happy for everyone. As for me, I will be home with my pups. One is okay with the fireworks but the other one goes truly berserk - through doors, fences, whatever. He will be on Xanax but still needs someone by his side.

Today was a beautiful day. I cannot believe how quiet it is and how many birds are singing their hearts out. I just wanted to relax and listen all day. There were things to be done - that didn't get done yesterday.....

4 days off from work. What a dream. With the big party coming and so much work still to be done on the house and yard, I was thrilled to have 4 full days to make a dent in things. Yesterday, no exercise in the morning :(. Started with breakfast and then in to the study to start on the tasks.

Call SS - can the checks finally be stopped? They are promissing in August. I believe them - truly, truly. At least the hold time was less than 10 minutes. Everyone else probably thought they were on holiday. I gave it a try and got lucky.

My Driver's License is due and, since the last two times I renewed by mail, I have to show my mug to get it renewed this time. Went on line to get an appt - 2 weeks away.

Party stuff - Called the florist. Couldn't get through. Printed out the 5 page contract. Read it through again. Signed it. Went to bank. Got Cashier's Check. Went to Post Office to mail with Cert of Mailing. Went to BevMo to check out some of the party alcohol and bought the Sloe Gin, Tequila Rose and some of the wine. Wondering how I will keep the champagne and white wine cold for the party until I hand it over to the bar and how I will get it down to Monterey with my luggage in the small trunk of my car...........

Called Doggie Camp to make the reservations for Thomas and Smokey. They now have Doggie Bungalows - 8 X 16 square ft of air conditioned comfort - all their own. At 7AM, the doors open and they can run all day in their 2500 square ft yard or lay in the bungalow if they get too hot. They have a little pool to play in, too. At 10PM, the doors get closed and they are inside to sleep for the night and safe from any night creatures. How spoiled can you get? No wonder they never want to come home!

Went to help SIL with some stuff, headed home and then out for Niece's birthday. Fun with the family and enjoyed the pub atmosphere and being with the family. By the time I got home, I was so tired, could only think of bed.

This morning, as I mentioned, it was so nice and just the right amount of cool crispness to the air. I took the dogs for a walk and Thomas was so good - not even barking at the dogs on barking row - that I took them around again! I was just reluctant to go inside and out of the beautiful quiet, coolness.

We had breakfast and I took a break to work a crossword puzzle. How sleepy I was! Took a nap and woke up at 2PM! I guess I needed the rest. But so much to do. Went in to call the florist who had said he would be in this morning but, of course, it was afternoon so I missed him.

Checked out Bev Mo online and worked some more on the party budget and wine decision-making. All of that took longer than I expected.

Finally, got outside to work on decluttering the garage some more. Decluttering has consisted mainly of flattening old cardboard boxes and filling the recycling bin. This is the 3rd round that I am overfilling the bin (and they only empty every 2 weeks) and I am still not finished. Was hoping to be done today but, alas, there are still more boxes and it will probably take one more round of overfilling the bin before I am done. Some of those boxes have been there a long time. One of them today said, March, 1994! Can you imagine that I didn't use it for at least 11 years (the first three, I believe it was in storage holding books). I can't imagine what I was thinking that I would need so many boxes. Under the boxes, there have been a few other things to take care of. Found a big bag of plastic bottles for recycling. Am hoping that the recycling people are there tomorrow so that I can get the bottles out of the car. Managed to get the lamp off of the floor and up into the overhead storage after getting rid of some of the cardboard boxes.

My dream is to get the bikes hung on the wall (and eventually get the tires fixed so that I can ride them), get the shelves cleaned off an partially turned into a pantry. Turn the remainder in paint and house repair storage and/or put up the extra shelf to hold the paints and house repair stuff, get a pegboard up for the tools. Hang the white board, bulletin board and mirror, move out the treadmill or chair from the living room and use the treadmill in the garage (with the chair in the living room) or in the living room (where I can watch tv while I walk and also walk the dogs) and the chair in the garage. And, aside from the chair, lawnmower, tool rack and a few chairs, have nothing on the floor of the garage. Emptiness! hummmmm........ I can sweep more often and keep the spiderwebs down and use the garage for something other than empty box storage! It is a big dream but I am hoping to accomplish it this summer.

Now, I am just working on SILs stuff and a little party stuff and hoping for a calm 4th (as calm as it has been all day) and then on to some of the other tasks tomorrow, including a good strong effort at the backyard and working on the guest book which I hope to get 90% finished this weekend. In the weeks ahead, I still have the dog's vet visits, eye doctor, dentist, DMV and party stuff to finish as well as the two massive projects going on at work. Want to finish sooner rather than later so that I am not exhausted for the party!

That ends my tale of decluttering. Now just have to learn how to declutter the blogs! :)

Weekend, what weekend?

2008-06-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend, as with most lately was very busy. But also very fun.

I started off Sat morning with my Jillian 30 day cut workout. Sad to say that, although I am sore in places I didn't expect to be, the overall weight loss has not continued. Probably due to the delicious barbecued pork sandwich I had on Friday and the yummy french fries as well as the bacon on Saturday, starbuck's cookie and mixed nuts - all things you should probably try to avoid or minimize when reducing your body size. At any rate, as of today, I am still slightly ahead on the weightloss scheme so, all in all, not too bad for Day 6 and still plugging.

The workout is good although by the end of the 30 minutes, the 2 lb weights feel like 100. Some day..........hmmmm........ There is one point in the workout where you lay down on the floor for some bicycle, stomach crunches. Apparently, my feet and legs moving back and forth were just all too tempting for Thomas who likes to have his "butt kicked" - a form of play in which he turns his "butt" to me and I playfully tap it with my foot. The stomach crunches must have looked like a variation on that form of play since he went right in front of my feet and turned his "butt" toward me. Stomach crunches are hard enough without trying to move 65lbs. of dog with your feet. No wonder my thighs and inner groin are so sore.......

After working out, I ate breakfast, read the paper and showered then loaded up the car for my day's errands. First stop was Sports Authority to return all of the weights and balance ball that they had talked me into a week before. I decided it would be a very long time (can we say, "when hell freezes over"?) before I would be using the 6 or 8lb weights, much less the 10lb. Instead I bought the red 3lb weights just in case 2lbs ever starts feeling light.

After SA, I headed off to Macy's to return the last of my "alternate" dresses for the party. That totally commits me to the OCEAN colored gown now. So, I have to continue to work to fit into it.

From Macy's I headed south to my SIL's house. They were having a garage sale and I found it useful to continue with my decluttering of the garage by taking the things that would fit in my car and dropping them off for the garage sale. "Sell them for anything or give them away" were my instructions. She did really well and sold the big items for $15. I still had to bring a few things back home but they occupy very little space compared to what I had brought over. You go Deb! I tried to give her the money but she refused it so I brought her a box of chocolates instead.

Couldn't stay for the garage sale because I had to head to Scott's Valley to pick up my ring which now has a nice new opal in it. Yeah! And then on to the cake lady to take her my 50 candles for the cake. I couldn't find the right color combo so ended up giving her 3 different sets. She can choose the best to use.

And, if that wasn't already a busy enough Sat, I came back to the shelter to walk the dogs. Thank goodness. I was the only volunteer in that day and there are still 7 dogs there. The foreclosures and falling economy mean more dogs being surrendered and less people coming in to adopt them......sad. I took a couple out to the play yard to socialize them and was immediately reprimanded. How could I put two dogs in together? That is not allowed. Forget that the dogs were getting along terrifically and very happy to have company to frolic with. I see so many of the shelter dogs, including my own, with socialization issues because they are not allowed in the company of other dogs. I would think that doing everything you can to make them more adoptable would be the goal but apparently not........So I had to go back to having them out one at a time.....and hoping they all get adopted soooonnnnnnnn!!!

After the shelter, I have to admit that I was pretty beat. It was nice just to go home, eat some dinner and watch a little TV before heading off to bed.

Sunday morning dawned early with yoga. I don't know if it was all of the working out that I was doing or what but the practice was HARD. I was sore and sweating a lot - something I never do. The Srivasana (corpse pose) at t the end was so wonderful, I didn't want to get up. But, alas. That, too, came to an end and the class was over. I went to the farmer's market and took the Meyers Lemons that I had picked off of the tree that morning. The chocolatier needed them for the Meyers Lemon chocolates that they make. He traded them for a box of chocolates which I then gave to my SIL for selling my things at her garage sale. Isn't barter a wonderful thing?

I ran to my SILs house to drop off the chocolates and pick up the non-sold items, ended up chatting and visiting for a while and then headed home to get some yard work done.

Cut all of the rogue branches from the Mulberry tree that I have been trying to kill for a few years now, trimmed the funny shaped orange tree, trimmed the roses and the bougainvilla and pulled some weeds in addition to cleaning up after the dogs, washing out Thomas' pool and refilling with water which both of them enjoyed immensely since it was a warm day. A few hours later, the leaf bin was full and I was even more tired and sore.

Took a shower and headed over to Bill and Susan's house. Decided to walk since we were going to taste champagne and only then realized just how sore my hips were. The champagne tasting was wonderful and enlightening. We all settled on one type (the only one all three of us agreed on except for the one that none of us liked). It wasn't the most expensive but wasn't the cheapest of them either. Still, all in all, it was a good deal. Thanks to Bill and Susan for hosting this and thanks also for the wonderful steak and garlic bread dinner - yum!

I got home very late Sunday night, tried to do some email and a crossword puzzle but finally had to head off to bed since I had an early morning conference call today.

Great weekend - accomplished many things - decluttering, party stuff, yard work and enjoyed many things - SIL visit and champage tasting - a wonderful way to spend a weekend.

Hope yours was great too!

30 get cut dvd with Jillian

2008-06-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned earlier, I bought the weights so that I could also work out at home and try to get a few more pounds off before the party. My first 30 day plan lost me 7 pounds but I gained 4 back. Still progress with net 3 lbs but I need more than that.

I started out 2 days ago by adding a morning workout in my living room. I am using Jillian's (from the biggest loser) 'Get Cut in 30 Days' DVD. It is not meant for those with a lot to lose but rather to take off those last 10 or 20 and get you "cut" in the process. I have seen her use it on the Biggest Loser on tv with much heavier people so decided to try it.

I am at the beginner's level, 2lb (purple!) weights - a 30 minute workout with 20 minutes of cardio and weight training and 10 minutes of warm-up/warm-down. By the end of the 30 minutes, I am beat. And that is at the beginner's level. Think of the intermediate or advanced.

The miracle is that, after doing this for only 2 days and still eating normally - drinking lots of water, I have lost 3.4lbs! This gave me encouragement to get back up in front of the tv today and do another 30 minutes. And, I will be at Curves tonight going through my 30 minutes there. My clothes are also already loser after only 2 days. I know that I sound like an infomercial but it is just so amazing. Incredibly, the 2 lb weights are also starting not to seem as heavy, although by the end, I am still barely able to lift them so will be a while before I move to 3lbs or more. I am very motivated to go the full 30 days and see what the effect is. Only 27 more days to go................

Planning, planning, planning

2008-06-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

Just when you think you are done...........

I thought we were all set on the food and bar for the party but then.......... the food bill got raised and suddenly, I was over budget by $1,700. And.........the Aquarium does not include champagne in its bar packages which threw a wrench in the works for my 'champagne reception' and the Aquarium does not include Sloe Gin which is in the signature drink - ouch - one more wrench.

The food was as I wanted so I accepted the new bill with a smile?

That just left the bar. The prospect of buying the champagne and sloe gin made the original hourly package much less attractive than before. So then, I started looking at the hosted bar - hmmmmmm........how much do people really drink?? How can I do a comparison that will give me a realistic estimate. I got on the phone and called my very handy sis who knows all about these things. She gave me some rules of thumb and we started calculating. It was really looking like going hosted rather than hourly might be the better (read cheaper) idea. I listed everyone that is coming and how much they typically drink or an estimate if I didn't know what they drank. The amount came out much lower than the hourly rate.....hmmm......

And then we started discussing champagne. All of the discussion led to a decision to do a blind (not us but the bottles) champagne tasting to determine which champagne we should order for the party.

And, after seeing the prices on the wine list, I now have the opportunity to also buy the wine and bring that in. My choice - the great standbys by Barefoot - nice Merlots and Cabs - and the bottle has a lovely purple foot in keeping with the theme of the party.

And beer.........the Aquarium only stocks Bud Light unless you specifically request something else. So, I sent a quick email to my family beer drinkers asking for recommendations. Submitted a short list of 4 to the Aquarium and have to wait to see what they will charge me for my list (because everything you do has a cost there).

And, after all of that, I was starting to feel like a shot of Tequila Rose but I looked on the list and, oh no, the Aquarium has no Tequila Rose.......so, I threw in a bottle of that, too. Which of course, they will charge me a $15 corkage fee (+25% for gratuitie and tax).

The net of all of this last minute decision making should be a savings of about $900 on the bar fees, I hope. Although the Aquarium does need to calculate it all out and decide what they are going to charge me. If I go over, I pay extra. If I come in under, I get a refund.

Anyway, I will then be only $800 over budget...........

Never listen to a young guy at Sports Authority when buying weights...

2008-06-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

In my efforts to lose a little weight, I bought the 30 day get cut dvd by Jillian Michaels. I figured if it worked for all of those bigger folks on the Biggest Loser, it would work for me. Jillian likes to workout with just your body and very few formal props so that you can work out anywhere at anytime. One of the props she uses for this workout is hand weights.

I didn't have any hand weights and had never worked out with them so did not know what my needs or threshhold were. I headed off to Sports Connection and explained to the young (really young) guy there what I needed. Nothing big or fancy, just hand weights so that I could use them while doing lunges, laying on my back on the floor, etc. -- an augment to a workout and not the weights for weight sake itself. He scratched his head and then called over another young (very young) male clerk and asked him what size he would recommend for me. They both recommended starting with 5 lbs and said that would probably still be too light.

I was seriously doubting my ability to work out with 5 lbs and told them that I was very weak in the arms and maybe not so young (not that that has anything to do with it - only more years of being weak in the arms to overcome). They said that they were thinking about weak in the arms when they said 5 lbs. Hmmmmm............... I was still not convinced. 5 lbs felt like a lot. Now, I do lift the 40lb bags of dogfood and their 40lb water cooler regularly but that is usually once to dump the food into their bin or put the water bottle into the cooler. It is not repetitions. To me, 5 lbs seemed like more than enough for repetitions. They recommended a small set with a stand - 3lb, 5lb and 8lb pairs plus buy an additional 10lb pair because "that was probably what I really needed".

As for me, I kept looking at the 2 lb weights - maybe because they were colored such a pretty purple. I just couldn't walk out of the store without them.

This morning, I did the workout with my new weights. I chose the purple ones - why not? 2 lbs - simple right. I went through the 20 minute workout and boy! did those 2 lb weights feel heavy. I think that they will suit me just fine for a while. I would have been dying with the 5 lb weights - ugh.........

And, I still have the 3, 5, 8 and 10 pounders just in case I ever get that strong........

Sweet Memories

2008-06-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes space clearing (decluttering) has its own surprises and some turn out to be real gems. Last night, for some crazy reason, I felt the urge to go see what was in the 3 boxes and trunk that are left in the garage. They have been there for 11 years untouched and probably in the storage room for another 9 years before that - at least some of it. There was much water damage and some funky mold smell but some of it was well-wrapped and still looking good.

2 of the boxes didn't hold anything worthwhile. One was just a gathering of items I had put out to give away or sell over the years - candle stands, candy dish, puppet, dog-bark deterrents (which work for many but not on my own cast-iron-neck pup), water bottles given at various events, a scale (the kind you stand on to weigh - yeah.......)

The other box didn't look like much. Lots of papers that I thought were probably old bills or something of that nature. Most of it was - and was sent off to shredder-land. However, some weren't. There were lots of old letters and cards. As I read some of them randomly, I was taken back to a time before email, IM, blogging and the like. People actually wrote cards, postcards and letters. One card just read, "wish you were here last night. We went down to the U-district and.........." It took me back........ Sorry folks, but email just doesn't do that. There was another letter from my Mom when I started my first job after school. She was asking questions about the job and then telling me of my older brother's efforts to become an electrician (which he did successfully), my younger brother working with my Dad and other family news as well as a list of dates when they would be up skiing so that I could join them........Wow! I had forgotten many of those things.....

And, then the photos. How they made me laugh and remember. There was one of me at my first job with the group there - all of whom I still remember - wearing out Lab shirts and looking so young - AND TAN - and thin. And the wallets from my college graduation in the 80s with the BIG hair~ Photos of my god children when they were young.

And, inside the trunk, my old jewelry box - smelling moldy and probably not retrievable although, as I looked at it, I realized what a good jewelry box it had been - much better than anything I currently own. Not much in there but there was an intact USC pin with Snoopy on it that I will certainly wear, a crystal cross that I have no idea where it came from but it is nice and several of the black and white scotch Scotty dog pins! I also found an old tin frog that clicks really loudly - and scared the H... out of the dogs when I clicked it at them. And, the driver's licenses - what better way to see the changes over the years........

Finally, it was time to go to bed. I put back the bags that I hadn't made it through to save for another day. Probably, most of it will find its way to the trash or recycling bins but first, I will get one last bit of enjoyment out of the tidbits that I find there. Just one trunk and one box left now........

Decluttering

2008-06-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

Decluttering of the garage seems to be a much more pleasant and rewarding task than decluttering of the study. Two weekends have been spent on that endeavor with the result that many cardboard boxes have been "let go" of and sent to recycling. It is sad to say but, for some reason, I had a real attachment to these boxes. Over the years, I kept thinking that I would use them to wrap a gift, store something or put the original objects back into them for packing and moving. None of that happened. Rather, the boxes kept building up to the point that every spare space in the garage was filled with empty boxes. Most of those boxes have now journeyed off to the recycling center or are now in the recycling bin waiting on the next pickup. There are still more that are still occupying space but they are only waiting for their own turn at the recycling bin.

On an even scarier thought, below the boxes and buried in the gardening section were chemicals that have been shown to be nerve toxins. One was discontinued in 2001 and the other in 2004 yet here they were still in my garage. Thankfully, they were some of the many "chemicals" I had purchased over time with intent to use but had never actually used. It is amazing that I had 4 bottles of that stuff (nearly 1 gallon) that I had obviously purchased at 3 separate points in time, not realizing that I already owned the same toxic substance. How scary is that? Two of the bottles, along with old paint, batteries and roof tar all went off to the hazardous waste dump this weekend. I breathed a big sigh of relief to know that I had detoxified my garage - or so I thought. As I was going through the shelves, breaking down cardboard boxes and re-arranging the gardening items so that I would know what I have, I found the other two bottles. They will have to wait until July 19th for disposal since that is the next toxic dump day. I have put them aside in the farthest corner away from the house until the time that they, too, can go join their counterparts in what I hope is a safer place.

I also found another box of books that was meant to go off to the book recycling with the last batch that I took out last week. They were also buried under unused cardboard boxes. Being that they are all softbacks, they can go into the paper recycling bin once it has been dumped and there is room. Other than the remaining empty boxes, it looks like there are only 3 full boxes and one trunk left to go through in order to complete the decluttering process of the garage. Sounds simple but, if you look at it, there is still a fair amount to do to accomplish this. Still, I am hopeful that the next round will do it and I can move the lounge chair out to the garage and start using my treadmill in the living room. Not the best furniture, I know but, hay! It is a small house.

The amazing thing is that the decluttering of the garage must have released space for some of the energy in the house because the house does not seem as crowded even though I have not removed anything else from there.

Besides the garage, it was a wonderful weekend of sunshine, yoga, errands, errands, errands and a visit with my angels. They left me with a wonderful message and hope in my heart.

Party plans continue with the guest list approaching 80. Two of the invitees (a couple) have not responded to the invite, my emails or phone calls - strange. I am sincerely hoping and believing that they are okay but the silence is a bit scary. I still need to take care of the flower situation and the guest book, make any final alterations to my dress and figure out the jewelry. Oh, and the music, choosing my songs so that the DJ can guide us down the right road. I am trying my best to finish up by June 30 so that I don't stress and panic in July but just seems like these last bits keep hanging out there. And July is jam packed with Doctors appts., Driver's Licence renewal (yes, I have to make an appearance in DMV this year) and various other items that require my attention in addition to work. No wonder my tummy has been a little nervous recently. Getting centered and completing these tasks are important to my well-being now.

And, as always, I am grateful. Grateful for the sunshine, grateful that I am able to plan a party and fortunate to be able to perform these tasks, grateful for my health and that of my family, pets and friends, grateful that I can still drive a car and grateful for the full and blessed life that has been given to me.