This chemo'd body

Its been a while since I have written any updates on my post-Cancer/Chemo/Radiation health so I feel compeled though this isn't necessarily good, positive news. Here it is, once again 2:45 in the morning and I am writing. I have fallen asleep on the couch again somewhere around 9:30 or 10:00, being physically unable to stay awake to my normal 11:00 or 12:00 these days and then waking up around 2:30 to finally drag myself off to bed.

It is a little distressing to me - and, yes, somewhat depressing - that I have been unable to fully recover from this latest surgery. I have stepped up my activity level a bit in the hopes that my body would once again resume its normal energy level. Nearly every day since about August 1st, I have included some level of physical movement (exercise if you will) that worked my body for 2 hours or more. There were the Quigong pracices, the dog walks of 1 - 2 hours/day, the 2 days in Carmel walking up and down hills and along the beach for 5 hours/day, the 5 days straight of gardening for about 4 - 5 hours/day including heavy tree and rose bush pruning with the heavy clippers, the 1 1/2 Dragon Boat paddling workouts and so on. Normally, after only about a week of this my body is back and the aching stops.

I have been about this for nearly 5 weeks now and the aching has not stopped. It feels as if every muscle in my body has totally disintegrated, never to return again. My bones ache. My hands ache. I sleep way too much - 12 - 13 hours a night -and wake up at 2:30 in the morning because of the disrupted sleep schedule. The anemia won't clear itself up despite diligence to eating high iron foods - spinach, molasses, red meat- and augmenting them with orange juice for absorption and, even, 6 weeks on doctor-prescribed iron supplements.

Nothing is getting done. The bills are barely getting paid and the rest of my obligations are going unmet - except the gardening, painting and dogs - and those are barely getting done. It took me 3 days to go grocery shop after completely running out of food and augmenting with junk.

Will I ever be well again? Will the aching ever stop? Will I be able to return to a 7 or even 8 hour per night sleep routine? This is frustrating and discouraging. I am doing my best to "keep my chin up" and "keep a positive outlook". Everyone says how good I look but I am not feeling it.

That is about enough of this "wallowing" I guess. Just felt that this too is part of the "Waking Up on the Other Side of a Dream" experience and hopefully, someday, I will feel better and go back to read this only to remember that I was feeling it today and that at that time I am well past it.

Good Night and Good Sleep.