The end of the road

At long last, I have reached the end of my treatments. Tomorrow is my last Herceptin infusion. I already had my last MUGA scan for which I can proudly say I scored 66% (up 5% from the last one). That means that my heart, too, has come through the treatments successfully. I will miss my wonderful infusion team. 16 months we have been together now and they have performed amazingly. However, I will not miss the reason for being there every three weeks. At this point, the doctors cannot detect any cancer. Lets hope it stays that way for many, many, many more years (or forever).

Just a couple more operations to complete the reconstruction and I will be truly done. When those will happen is unknown but there is no rush on them. At this point, I just need to think about moving on, finding a job, making a living.

It is amazing to look back and think of what I have been through. I look at the pictures of me bald, hooked up to IVs, wearing a wig and think, "Is that really me?" . I can't believe it. All of it seems like a dream that is quickly fading away. Sure, the scars are there to remind me but they have become such a part of me now that it is hard to imagine what caused them to be there. I can't really explain it, this feeling or non-feeling that I am having. Guess my mind has pretty much moved on, although I can still cry like at the Dragon Boat races last week when there is a celebration of cancer survivors. I feel proud to be part of that group even though I know that I had no choice but to go down the road I had been set on and to survive. There was nothing else I could have done.

I am thankful for my family and friends who have supported me so much on this journey. I am thankful for the new friends I have made and the opportunities to model in a fashion show, learn to paint and to paddle in the Dragon Boat races along with other adventures that I would not have had if I hadn't had cancer.

Although I wouldn't choose to have cancer, nor would I wish it on anyone else, I also would not trade the last year and a half of my life either. It is hard to explain but, in many ways, it has been a wonderful adventure. If you asked me a year ago, I would have told you that you were crazy, but now I can honestly say that it has been amazing.

Did it change me? I don't think so. Did it give me a new perspective on life? I don't think so. Did it present new opportunities to grow and learn? That it did and very well. I am hoping that I can continue to learn and grow as a person as I re-enter the working world and this experience becomes a distant memory.