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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

12th Herceptin Infusion and counting, counting, counting....

For those of you out there who might be reading, today is my 12th Herceptin infusion. Very soon here, I will be trotting (driving) off to the infusion clinic for yet another hookup and fillup. After this one, I will have 5 or 6 more depending on how the doctor wants to count it.

And, for surgery, count down continues. 21 more days. Exactly 3 weeks. It is coming so quickly. I can't believe it. I am excited. I am nervous. I am sad. No one else seems to care as much as I do. That is normal. However, no one else seems to care at all. With the mastectomy, there was such an outporing of love and support. When I tell people this surgery is for reconstruction, they just say oh (as in "is that all?"). I am not feeling the support. I am not feeling the love. Maybe folks don't feel like this is a big deal but I do. This surgery gives me back what was taken away. It is huge. It allows me to wear my clothes and swimsuits again. It allows me to run out of the house without a bra if I have to. It allows me to know that if there is an emergency in the night - like a sick dog - I can dress without thinking and rush them to the emergency room - without searching for my prosthesis, putting it in the bra, putting it on and then getting dressed. This is a long and complicated surgery with a long and complicated recovery and I need everyone's support as much as ever. Emotionally, this all wrecks me. I know this is not a frivolous surgery but the lack of support almost makes me feel like I have made a frivolous decision. I know I am not expressing myself very well here. The feelings are so complicated. I am just trying to say that this is a big deal and I need everyone's support as much as before.

3 Comments:

At 9:15 AM, Blogger snarfdog said...

We're all still there for you. It just seems like such a long way away still - at least for me. I know how important this is, and I'm sorry if I haven't expressed that enough.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger andrea said...

sorry if i didn't show support, my brain was too busy thinking "OW OW OW" when you described your upcoming surgery and recovery.

it's not a frivolous decision, no one would subject themselves to that much pain if it wasn't important. i know we're on the fringe but let us know what we can do.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Seajade said...

snarfdog and Andrea,

Thanks so much for your comments of support. I really do appreciate it. And I need to hear them. Somehow, I am just feeling really vulnerable and needy at the moment.

Visits and food during the recovery period will be greatly appreciated. Baby therapy has also been a huge comfort in the past.

Thanks again!

 

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