Nervous

Here it is finally. The day I get to meet with my plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction. I am so nervous. Will I be too fat? Will he tell me I can't get a DIEP flap reconstruction? Will we be able to set a date? Will I like it? What will my breasts look like? I am kind of liking my look right now. Just don't like the fact that my wardrobe choices are limited. Don't want to be late for my appointment. It is in Santa Clara - a place I have been to only once and it is huge with limited parking. Will leave early. So many thoughts going through my mind. It is all a scramble and overriding all is the nervousness. I am so nervous. Don't think I have been this nervous except for the time I had to meet my surgeon for the first time to get a decision on MRI. But this. This is cutting and pasting of body parts. It is a one time deal. Must work. Must work. Will he let me do it? Haven't lost that 5 lbs. yet. Working hard. Stomach not ripped with a six-pack. Umm, that is not supposed to be good for this surgery. Need a little fat. Breasts have fat. But not too much. Do I have too much? I am sure that I don't have too little. When will we be able to schedule an operating room. Long surgery. Long recovery. So nervous. So nervous. The brain is just chattering now. Think I will go for a walk.