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Sunday, April 02, 2006

April 1st, no April Fool

I know for many, if not most of us, April 1st signifies April Fool's Day - a day to play fun pranks and jokes on your friends. Or, in most cases, a day just to think about playing pranks and jokes on your friends.

For me, the last 3 April 1st's have taken on a special significance that I would never in my life would have expected. They have become snapshots of my life for the last 3 years and shown what a difference a year can make.

2 years ago, April 1, 2004, I started the first day of my new job. This is always an exciting time for me but was even more so that year because I had been unemployed in my profession for 16 months during the Silicon Valley slump - a time when there were months I couldn't even get an interview, much less a job. Even the temp and consulting assignments had dried up. This was truly a significant and exciting day.

1 year ago, April 1, 2005, things had changed completely. I had been layed off from the new job (startups can be that way) and diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My life was completely turned upside down. The doctors I had were largely unhelpful and frustrating. I came home from every appointment frustrated, angry, scared and crying. On April 1, 2005, that all changed. That was the day that I was sitting in front of the Tumor Board at Stanford Hospital. 6 doctors of varying stripes - surgeon, medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, intern - were each examining me individually while the pathology lab checked out my slides from my first excision and the radiologist checked out my mammograms and chest x-rays. What potentially could have been just a sterile, assembly line turned out to be a series of compassionate, warm, friendly and sometimes funny doctors visits. I was poked and examined to see what could be learned from my breasts and lymph nodes. By that time, all modesty had disappeared since so many doctors had looked at my breasts. At the end of the morning, Dr. C and a breast surgeon colleague came in and gave me their conclusions, diagnosis and recommendations for treatment. It wasn't much different from what I had heard before but delivered in such a different manner. They calmly listened to and answered my questions without rushing or making me feel like I was wasting their time. They also gave me recommendations for my left breast like MRI and ultrasound rather than, "oh, remove that one, too..". Even though my situation hadn't changed, I left feeling comfortable, happy and relieved. I had a call from my oncologist at Kaiser as I walked in the door at home. She wanted to know what I had heard from Stanford. I told her and also mentioned the MRI and ultrasound recommendation. She told me that Kaiser had turned me down on those requests. After telling her that 6 doctors at Stanford had recommended it and confirming they were sending their report over the Kaiser and threatening to report them to the California HMO complaint board, she finally offered to send me to one more breast surgeon for approval. That surgeon turned out to be a breast specialist at Santa Teresa - Dr. K! And that was how I finally got to the right surgeon who now takes such wonderful care of me. What a special April 1st that was.

And, finally, this year, April 1, 2006. In the last year, I have been through poking, prodding, 3 surgeries, loss of a breast, insertion of a mediport for infusions after losing the veins in my left hand, chemotherapy, radiation, brain scans, breast scans, blood tests, heart scans, weakening of my heart due to chemo and subsequent strengthening as a result of my Quigong practice, bone scans, bone density, dermatologists, office surgery to remove two cysts, healers, nutritionists, plastic surgeons visits, acupuncture, support groups, visualization, biological therapy and more. Yesterday was a celebration of not just making it through but surviving and thriving. It was a fashion show fund raiser by CBHP (California Breast Health Project), an invaluable resource for me. Following is a sampling of what CBHP did for me.

I attended a Thursday night open house where I was able to speak with a breast surgeon, right after my first surgery and diagnosis, who patiently went through my medical record and pathology report with me at a time when I was completely distraught and finding it difficult not to cry. At other open houses, I met a plastic surgeon who answered my questions about different types of surgery and recommended a surgeon at Kaiser I could speak with and I met a medical oncologist, after my terrible first chemo, who made recommendations on nausea medications that I could ask my doctor about. I also met Dr. B, a wonderful human being and radiation oncologist who made an appointment with me, researched my case and sat with me for 2 hours - her with here binder and me with mine - going through the pros and cons of radiation, for me and my case in particular, that finally helped me to make the decision to go through radiation therapy.

I also became a regular participant in their Young Survivors' support group where I found not only support but made some friends as well. I saw one of their volunteer psychiatrists, herself a breast cancer survivor, to talk through some of the pain. I used their Buddy program to meet two wonderful women who had reconstruction surgery like the type I was considering and who shared their stories and new breasts with me - lifting their shirts to let me look, not just glance, but really look at their beautiful new breasts - what wonderful women!

CBHP has meant so much to me in my journey and I was pleased when they asked me to participate in a fashion show to help raise funds. All of the models were breast cancer survivors and what a happy, funny, crazy crowd we were. We all had a great time together - getting our outfits, having makeup done, sharing time and stories.

Last night was the show. We performed the choreographed moves we had learned to a sold-out crowd, including my very own sister, Linda, who had paid $250/seat for dinner, auction and show. I was on stage with two other women, performing to Absolutely Fabulous, the music from AbFab Girls. I felt absolutely fabulous, in my brown/grey slacks, white,fitted,shear blouse and beautiful, purple linen jacket, as I walked and pivoted around the stage -all the time trying to smile past my nervousness. How exciting! And, then came the finale where we all walked across the stage with some 6 doctors (including Dr. C from Stanford) who had treated some of the other models for their breast cancer.

I had a fabulous time! So much has happened in the last year that I would not have chosen for my, or anyone's, life but I have also experienced so many wonderful things and met so many wonderful people through the journey. Last night was one of those awesome experiences! What a difference a year makes. I am still not through my journey - one more major surgery, some minor ones, treatment every 3 weeks with Herceptin through Sept and continuing follow-ups every 6 months to 1 year for the rest of my life - but I have come a long way, much further than I would ever have expected of myself and April 1, 2006 was a celebration of that.

I wonder what April 1, 2007 will bring?

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