Colonoscopy

Today, I had the pleasure of getting a colonoscopy. This is a procedure that is usually recommended for folks once they hit the age of 50. For breast cancer patients, it is recommended to get this done immediately and not wait until you are 50 so there I was, in my backless gown having little cameras sent up my backside.

How does it all work? Well, it started yesterday. I was not allowed to eat anything from the time that I got up. I was allowed to drink water, apple juice, clear bouillion or eat jello. For me, this meant water all day long. At 4:00PM, I started on the colytes which would clean out my system. These are basically heavy doses of salts with water which cause your bowels to clear out. I started drinking at 4:00 and had to drink 8 oz (1 cup) every 10 minutes until I finished the whole 4 liters. The whole process took about 2 1/2 hours. I would drink the cup of foul, salty tasting mixture (picture drinking swamp water) and then wait 10 minutes and drink the next cup. After 1 hour of this, I would drink the mixture, sit on the toilet for 10 minutes and then get up and drink the next cup. I was pretty much on the toilet until about 9:30PM.

This morning, I got up and was not allowed anything, even water, to drink. I was pretty dehydrated and had a headache and just wanted the whole thing over with. My Dad arrived to take me to the hospital. You are not even allowed to sign in without a ride home since you will be on sedatives for the procedure and your judgement becomes impaired.

After arriving at the hospital, I donned the oh so beautiful backless gown. Next, the nurse stuck a needle in my port for the sedative to go in. Thank goodness, he was eligible to do this and I didn't have to use the veins in my arm for an IV. Next, I went into the procedure room where I rolled over on my side so that the doctor could find the "entry". Just in case you were wondering, yes, this is humiliating no matter how much you try to think otherwise. Electrodes were attached to my chest to monitor my heart during the procedure since I was on anesthetic. The screen was right in front of me so that I could watch everything being done.

The nurse started the sedative slowly as the doctor flushed my insides and then pumped them with air and inserted the camera up my back door. Does this all sound uncomfortable? Are you queasy yet? Let me just say that it was uncomfortable - especially the air and entry of the camera. I felt an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom and the nurse just kept saying "its okay, let it go". Somehow that is easier said than done. Once the camera was fully inside and moving up the colon, it was much better. The whole process was very quick since my colon was clean. No polyps were found - yeah! There was also only the smallest amount of what could be diverticulosis - one or two small pockets and not what they would call diverticulosis at all. The doctor said that my colon was very clean and in very good shape. Boy was I happy to hear that. Don't need another colonoscopy for 10 years now. I was even happier to hear that.

After the procedure, they wheeled me out to a resting area where they took my blood pressure a couple of times, removed the electrodes and encouraged me to flatulate. I did... and did... and did... as they cheered each time. Never thought people would be so glad to hear me farting. It was embarassing but I did try. Had to get all of the air out. Finally, I was allowed to dress and go home. The nurses and doctor all told me that I did very good and had a good colon.

I was feeling fine since I didn't have too much anesthetic and Dad drove me home. Now I am ordered not to drive for 24 hours or work. The anesthetic can affect my judgement they say. So I will just do some more filing and hope I don't throw away anything of importance.

So glad this is done. One more step to completion of all of these tests and moving on to a more doctor-free lifestyle.