MRI

Today, I made the trip to the basement of Kaiser Santa Teresa for my Breast MRI. For some reason, I woke up with a terrible headache that didn't get any better by the time I had to go for the MRI. In preparation, I carefully removed all of my jewelry - necklace, medalert bracelet, toe ring, earrings - before leaving home since no metal objects are allowed in the MRI room. The machine is a big magnet and wearing anything metal could be potentially devastating.

Once there, I removed my watch and all of my clothes except my underpants and socks and put on the oh-so-lovely, 3 hole hospital gown. This is a significant advance over the open in the back type. With this gown, you put one arm in the first hole, bring it around back like a jacket or sweater and put your other arm in the second hole. You finish it off by wrapping the last piece around your front and sticking your first arm through the third hole. In this way, you are completely covered yet still fully accessible when necessary.

I was escorted into the room by two kindly gentlemen, one of whom then proceded to put an IV into my still battered hand. He got it in at the first sight he tried, although he did have to do some wiggling and hard pushing to get it far enough into my thin, depleted little vein in order to get good blood flow. I gritted my teeth and tried not to cry out too much. Then, he hooked me up to the contrast machine and flushed with saline. Oh!!!! The burning........ It was all I could do not to sob. I just cried out loud. The pain was shooting all the way up my arm half way to the elbow. I asked if he could slow it down and he said no, he was sorry but the contrast has to go in at a fixed speed in order to work. I feared that my poor little vein would blow out right then and there.

After the IV, I laid down on my tummy, opened the gown and let my breast hang through the hole out into nothingness. The two kind men gave me a pillow for my head and one under my legs and put a blanket on my back - all to make me as comfortable as possible while my breast was dangling through this hole.

The pumping machine was hooked into my IV and I was motored into the big, white MRI machine. This is about my 4th MRI and 2nd Breast MRI. This machine is new and not near as claustrophobic as the others. It is still close enough in to pin my elbows to my head but not as long or dark so you feel more like you are out in the open. Once you are in it, you cannot move. I could have moved my head but lifting it would only result in a bump from the top of the machine. My arms were laying up on the pillow beside my head with towels padding them as they were pinned in by the sides of the machine.

Now, I was ready to go.

Don't move came the disembodied voice over the microphone. I tried. Whoosh came the cold air blowing over my face and naked breast. Then, it started - knock, knock, knock - like some scary monster from a horror movie trying to get in your house - whose there? The answer -- RRRROOOOOAARARRRRATTTATTTTATTOOOARRR- like a jackhammer working on the street. I wondered why they hadn't given me earplugs as I was slowly going deaf from the sound. This repeated for a long time - slide to move the position of the bed, knock, knock, knock, RRROOROOOARRRR and sometimes DADADDADADADDADA like a machine gun. In one particularly long sequence, I suddenly got some particle of dust in the back of my throat and had a coughing fit - the kind that wracks your whole body. So much for not moving. I was left drooling and teary-eyed. And still the sounds continued. At one point, the knocking continued so long, I thought I was listening to a scratched recording of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". A-Wing-O-Witz, A-Wing-O-Witz, A-Wing-O-Witz - on and on and on. I am sure that at some point, I dozed off.

After an interminable amount of time, the voice came to me again and said, here comes the contrast. At the same time, I felt this excruciating, burning pain in my hand and up my arm. I didn't think I could bear it and cried out again. The voice said I was doing good, hang in there, it was almost over. Then, it told me to lie very still, that this was the most important part and the longest part - 7 minutes for this segment alone. I counted the roars and bangs and knocks that followed, thinking they might be one per second. There ended up being 840 of them - about one every half second. My headache was not feeling much better and I was freezing. At long last, after 45 minutes inside the big, white beast's belly, I was hauled out and the scan was over.

The nice man removed the IV (bless him) and held a towel up so that I could put my gown back on. I said that with breast cancer it is hard to remain modest. So many doctors had already looked at me. He said that was all the more reason to hold the towel and give me a little privacy - that I deserved it. What a kindly soul.

He said the pictures had turned out very nice and that I was the best patient they had - that I had stayed more still than anyone. Flatterer. I asked about the coughing fit and he said they had enough duplicates from that segment that they were able to by pass it and the pictures came out great. He even said that the night tech came by and asked him how he got such good pictures. I guess I am really good at staying still!

And that was the MRI experience. I am sure that you would love to have this wonderful experience also. Sorry, it is only for special people. :) Now, just have to wait until next week to see what the results show, if anything.