Worried

37 days of morning walks now. Thomas obviously knows what heel means but somehow doesn't get the idea that he must do it without constant reminders. I know that I walk slow for him but Smokey manages to pace me. For some reason this week, I have started to get a callous on my middle finger. Why now? I don't know. Anyway, my hands were so weak this morning, it was difficult to grasp the leash. Not a good morning for a challenge. But yet, on the last block home, there was a dog - just a nice, old dog - not challenging at all but Thomas started to lunge and twist. He has been much better on the weekends but this seemed to go back to his old ways. What am I doing wrong? He is so good otherwise.

Anyway, I got frustrated and angry - something else I haven't done in some time. Is it the hormones from that time of month? I lost my cool and in so doing, the grip on the leash and his choke. He got under my feet and I fell smack on him! Now, I weigh 3X as much as he does so that couldn't have felt good. He collapsed under my weight but when I rolled off, he was lunging just as strong as ever while I sat in a greasy puddle in the gutter and held on. Thank goodness that Smokey who I wasn't even holding onto anymore just stood there waiting for it all to pass. Thank you Smokey!

The woman with the dog stopped to ask if I was okay. I told her that I was, just wanting her to move on and away with her dog so that Thomas would settle down. I don't know what started this all with him. He was not always this way and certainly is not in the Vet's office where he is in very close proximity with other dogs. He wants to play, I know but needs to mind and follow. His behaviour is not acceptable for walking. He has been doing so well and making good progress. Today was a little slip and so close to home. I was disappointed with myself because my hands wouldn't work to hold the leash and keep him moving forward in a heel. I think that made me more angry than his behaviour. I was frustrated with myself.

Anyway, now I am just worried. My little guy is at home and may be starting to feel the after effects of me landing on him now that his adrenaline has come down a bit. I certainly am sore. Hoping that I didn't hurt him. He has already had a slipped/crushed disc that was causing "seizures" and he almost drowned in his little pool. He seems to have recovered over the last year and a half or so (after about 3 years of seizures) and I would not like to cause that problem again. His eyes were a bit bloodshot when I left home - causing me additional worry on his condition - since we have started the morning walks, his eyes have been clear and the whites have been white.

I just had to get that off of my chest so that I can relax and let it go while I sit here at work twiddling my thumbs and waiting for an assignment so the day will pass quicker and I can get home to my boys.

Breathe deeply.........deeper........deeeper.....now smile!