Another day

So, my day yesterday was going just fine and I was so happy to get home before 7PM so that I could do my WiiFit and have my dinner before sitting down to Survivor.

Not to be. My wonderful day came to a jarring stop when I walked in the door of the house. Thomas had been in trouble again. I knew it right away because he was outside and wouldn't come in. My crossword puzzle book (100 NY Times Crossword puzzles back to their origination in the 20's - or something like that. I was on #82) was torn up on the floor. He had even managed to chew and pull out the wire rap binding about halfway up the spine. Of course, he had to spend more time mangling the puzzles I hadn't actually done yet.

As I looked around, I realized that he had spent another part of his day busily chewing on my walls - which I have repaired umpteen times in the 9 years that he has lived with me. I have never had a dog that chewed walls and am at my wits end as to what to do with him. My house looks like a slum and I can't keep anything nice. I am so tired of repairing and painting them. Have tried tin foil, hot pepper, dog off, windex, shock treatment (works but don't have enough units and can't isolate enough to the specific areas of the chewing) and just yelling. The yelling scares him and hence the reason he is outside. He obviously knows he has done something wrong so why do it? He never does anything like this when I am around. Only when I am gone. Not every day either. I have yet to know what sets him off.

So, instead of the lovely evening I had planned, I was taping my book back together and repairing the walls. I put their food in their bowls and made them sit there just looking at it while I completed this whole process which took over one hour (The walls aren't painted - just the spackling - still have to sand, re-spackle, smooth, texturize, paint, faux finish - a very long process). They sat there the whole time just looking at their food. Poor Smokey, he had to go along too because it is difficult to separate that command for them.

After the work, I still had WiiFit (Don't want to mess up my schedule now - 7 lbs down) and finally sat down with my dinner and Survivor at 9:15 PM. Which of course made my whole evening later and I got to bed late so this morning I am not as "perky" (only 4 1/2 hours sleep).

I am hoping for a better house when I come home tonight.

Happy Thursday

So I was just sitting here and realized that.... "I'm Happy!". Now, it is not that I am never happy. In fact, I spend most of my days traveling through in some kind of happy stupor. Even with the economy and the rain and the traffic and the commute, somehow that happy seed pops out and grows me a happy tree.

But, anyway, today, somehow, I am inordinately happy. Don't ask me why. Hmmmmm.......... After 51 days, Thomas is finally starting to act like, he not only knows how to, but that he might actually want to heal in the proper place at my side. He still wanders but then comes on back. A vast improvement. And did I mention it has now been 51 days! Yes, 51 straight mornings - through rain, wind, deluges and floods, even stalkers, we have kept up our 1/2 hour walks (1.5+ miles). The dogs are looking better for it. Thomas has trimmed up and actually has rippling muscles. His fur looks so much better and is very soft. His ears are now standing up almost like when he was a puppy - and I thought he had outgrown that. Smokey Bear also looks better although it is harder to tell. He has always been thin but actually now looks a little more beefed up from a muscular standpoint - somewhat like the body builder compared to the 90 lb weakling on the beach getting sand kicked in his face (Smokey would be the body builder).

As for me, my body is not all streamlined with rippling muscles but it may be that I am just to close to it and too critical. Too date (after 51 days) I have lost only 6 lbs - a far cry from the 32 more I need to lose but, hey, it is at least in the right direction. Why is it so easy to put on and so darn difficult to take off?? I think that my body must have trimmed up a bit, too since I am fitting into my clothes a bit better than I normally would at this weight.

Weekends have been the hardest. I have this mentality of wanting to sleep in after a long week but need to get up early on Sat so that I can walk the boys before heading off to my volunteer job at the animal shelter at 9 AM. On Sundays, I get up even earlier to walk them before heading off to yoga at 8 AM. After getting up and going, I am happy I did. Just have to get my mind out of the sleep in mentality. After all, I can always come home and take a nap afterword. And then there is the weekend challenge of everyone else in the neighborhood walking their dogs. I am hoping with Thomas getting better at heeling that he will also settle more around other dogs.

And then, I can just be happy because it is Thursday and I only have one more day of work this week. And.... work has been very busy so the days have been passing much more quickly which is a whole lot better than sitting here twiddling my thumbs for 8 hours.

And.... it is sunny outside...something that I always like.

And.....my energy level is good....

And.....

And.....
And....

Ugghhhh.....again ....seem to like that word for grief

So here I am at work in a place I don't choose to be that is far, far from home (every day), having to deal with the unrest of my dogs because I am gone so long and then not being fully utilized although I have to sit here 8 hours/day to get paid, not being challenged by the work, brain turning to mush and, on top of it all.........


I have to work with a guy with HUGE, did I say HUGE ego problems who can't even have a discussion unless he is right. If I dare to disagree or suggest he could look at it differently, his response is to first insult me and then to say whatever and walk away or ignore me. The worst part is that he could learn something because usually what I am saying comes up later with the Director and it turns out that what I said was worthwhile after all. I try to ignore it and move on but it is just adding insult to the injury of me having to be here because I need a paycheck and the economy is so bad.........

ugghhhhhh.....

Back to smiling, breathing deeply and just letting this idiot wallow in his ignorance. I don't have anything to prove to him and really don't care if he agrees with me or not. Just don't insult and ignore me. That is immature and inhuman.

Have to be nice. I need this job. I need the paycheck. Please economy get better so that I can change to a client closer to home that actually challenges my intellect and makes the day interesting, I can resume my life, my painting, my friendships and the dogs can stop tearing up the house because they are alone so many hours of the day.........

Soooooo........ccccccoooooollllllldddddd

Ok. This office is so cold. My fake nipple is standing up - no, really. It is. Don't ask me how but I looked in the bathroom mirror and there were two - one on each side.

Now, my house is 59 - 61 degrees and that is cold. I am wrapped up head to toe with blankets and a space heater to stay warm. And, I swear this office is colder than that. I am getting hypothermia. Come on people, we are not doing aerobics in here. We are sitting all day at a computer typing numbers into spreadsheets. A little heat please. My fingers are cold. My nose is cold. I am getting brain freeze. Have to go outside in the 51 degree weather just to warm up. TURN ON THE HEAT!!! Can I sue for hypothermia?

And why do I blog? Because I am sitting here cold and bored. Yet one more day with nothing to do but fill out the time. I am happy for the paycheck but wondering why the heck this client is willing to pay the money and waste my talents. ugh! Life is much better and time passes quicker when you are busy.

On another note. Have now reached 41 DAYS! of morning walks with the dogs. That is amazing. I don't think that I have ever done anything in my life for 41 days straight except maybe watch tv, eat and sleep. How pathetic is that! Thank you to my dogs. I am on a roll here. It is tough on the weekends when I would rather just snuggle in and sleep but I want to see how far I can take this thing and, of course, the dogs are loving it! They seem so much younger, livelier, clear-eyed, softer furred, etc., etc. They are looking so fit and I actually had to start feeding them a bit more. Wish it were doing the same for me but then I had so much further to go than they did. 5 lbs is a big deal on them.

Wish I had even lost 5 lbs but this stubborn weight is just staying on. I even gained back the losses of 2 weeks ago. One weekend and 4 weeks of hard work down the drain. What a bummer. Why is it like that? I have been so persistent with the exercise and good eating and nothing happens but one weekend of overindulgence and 4 - 5 lbs can go on just like that (snaps fingers). Must be the cold. My body is trying to hang on to whatever padding it can to insulate against the cold. Good excuse though, wasn't it? Seriously, don't know what is happening. I had that great 6+ lb weight loss in 4 days and didn't do anything different. Yes, I journaled and checked and now for 2 weeks - nothing, nada, nix. This is weird because usually when I pack my lunch every day, cook my dinner and work out, the weight comes off.

Just have to keep plugging away...and stop talking about it now because it is beginning to depress me.

Back to the 41 days! Yeah! Almost 50 - 1/2 century. That is my first goal and then onward to 100 and more. I must say that I really do feel good after the walks and it has been nice to see the sunrise on the weekends. I have more energy, too and manage to get in a cleaning of a drawer or two, load the dishwasher, pull a few weeds or various other "little" chores right after before winding down into something more relaxing.

Sure got me through the 2 1/2 hour yoga and dance class Saturday night. 1/2 hour straight of wild, all out, arms flailing, legs and feet moving, head swinging, hip swaying dancing. Pictures a 60's revival with everyone wiped out on some psychedelic and moving wildly and erratically around the room and that is what we looked like. Everyone was hot and sweating but still we kept going. Mix that in with some serious yoga and the next day I was pretty sore and stiff. Still managed to get out of bed for the 1/2 hour 1.5+ mile walk with the dogs the next morning.

Guess I have run out of topics. Just get me through the next hour and a half please without freezing to death and then safely home and I promise to turn on Wii fit and do a workout this evening.

Cheers!

Worried

37 days of morning walks now. Thomas obviously knows what heel means but somehow doesn't get the idea that he must do it without constant reminders. I know that I walk slow for him but Smokey manages to pace me. For some reason this week, I have started to get a callous on my middle finger. Why now? I don't know. Anyway, my hands were so weak this morning, it was difficult to grasp the leash. Not a good morning for a challenge. But yet, on the last block home, there was a dog - just a nice, old dog - not challenging at all but Thomas started to lunge and twist. He has been much better on the weekends but this seemed to go back to his old ways. What am I doing wrong? He is so good otherwise.

Anyway, I got frustrated and angry - something else I haven't done in some time. Is it the hormones from that time of month? I lost my cool and in so doing, the grip on the leash and his choke. He got under my feet and I fell smack on him! Now, I weigh 3X as much as he does so that couldn't have felt good. He collapsed under my weight but when I rolled off, he was lunging just as strong as ever while I sat in a greasy puddle in the gutter and held on. Thank goodness that Smokey who I wasn't even holding onto anymore just stood there waiting for it all to pass. Thank you Smokey!

The woman with the dog stopped to ask if I was okay. I told her that I was, just wanting her to move on and away with her dog so that Thomas would settle down. I don't know what started this all with him. He was not always this way and certainly is not in the Vet's office where he is in very close proximity with other dogs. He wants to play, I know but needs to mind and follow. His behaviour is not acceptable for walking. He has been doing so well and making good progress. Today was a little slip and so close to home. I was disappointed with myself because my hands wouldn't work to hold the leash and keep him moving forward in a heel. I think that made me more angry than his behaviour. I was frustrated with myself.

Anyway, now I am just worried. My little guy is at home and may be starting to feel the after effects of me landing on him now that his adrenaline has come down a bit. I certainly am sore. Hoping that I didn't hurt him. He has already had a slipped/crushed disc that was causing "seizures" and he almost drowned in his little pool. He seems to have recovered over the last year and a half or so (after about 3 years of seizures) and I would not like to cause that problem again. His eyes were a bit bloodshot when I left home - causing me additional worry on his condition - since we have started the morning walks, his eyes have been clear and the whites have been white.

I just had to get that off of my chest so that I can relax and let it go while I sit here at work twiddling my thumbs and waiting for an assignment so the day will pass quicker and I can get home to my boys.

Breathe deeply.........deeper........deeeper.....now smile!

More post C stuff

hmmmmm..


craving chocolate and greasy food, check
breaking out, check
mid-back pain for 2 days, check
weight gain, check


What is happening? It is that time of the month again. 4 months in a row now:
Nov. 11
Dec. 3
Jan. 3
Feb. 3 (yes, started last night).
don't know how you can get anymore regular than that. Just like clockwork and with all of the symptoms.

Well, I am happy and hope that this truly means good things for my body and mind - as I have said many times before. Just not thrilled with the technicalities of dealing with this monthly but I will take them.

On another front, today was the 36th day straight of early morning dog walks - 1/2 hour - 1.5+ miles. Dogs and me - happy. Still have not lost much (Most of last weeks loss was recovered in the PMS period - Hopefully, it will go away soon - the weight, not the monthlies). Thomas has still not learned "heel" although he definitely knows what it is - just has a short attention span and has to be frequently reminded. He is doing better on challenge weekend and I am hopeful that one day, he will be able to peacefully pass other dogs on the street.

This morning was a bit scary. It appears that we had a stalker - in a toyota pickup truck and I have the license plate number so go away or I will report you. I need my walks. The dogs need their walks and we don't need any scaries walking with us - thank you. We are very happy walking along and enjoying the peace and quiet on our own.